Another phenomenon we will look at in Healing Your Spiritual Wounds is the possibility of hiding your True Self and assuming a False Self. This dynamic may occur as a result of wanting to belong. The individual may unilaterally decide that certain of their thoughts, feelings, or actions may not be acceptable in their chosen or inherited faith tradition. So, in order to fit in, they decide to hide those truths about themselves and put on a False Self.

Another individual may be told outright that some of their thoughts, feelings, and actions are not acceptable and they then choose to hide those aspects of their True Self, and present a False Self that will fit in and not draw negative attention.

Over time, the False Self may become so dominant that the True Self may be irretrievable, even after leaving the faith tradition. Retrieving the True Self is a key desired outcome in the Healing Your Spiritual Wounds journey. Click here for more information and to register. Time is running out. Don’t delay. The 10-week journey starts Tuesday, Sept 13 at 6pm Pacific.

I’m so excited to make this journey available. It has been a lifetime in the making and I hope it will bring new insights and inspiration to many who have had a journey similar to mine. This 10-week journey starts with a look at wounds inflicted by some “spiritual” teachings that suggest our physical bodies are bad, weak, and susceptible to temptation.

You may have heard the saying, “We are spiritual beings having a physical experience.” If this has any truth in it, then I would suggest, our spirits are looking to have fun experiences only available through being in a body. I am not promoting excessive and/or abusive behavior that can become self-destructive and addictive, undermining our spiritual development. What I am leaning towards is an invitation to having gratitude for and enjoyment of our bodies. Our bodies provide the means to experiences of life that are uplifting and nourishing, expanding our self-awareness and enjoyment of life. Let’s enjoy them and be thankful for all the joy they provide for us.

Join the journey! It starts on Tuesday, September 13th. Click here for more information and to register.

When I was in seminary, I remember my Church History professor telling a story from when he had served in traditional parish ministry. He had preached on the humanity and divinity of Jesus. He told us that a woman, as she left the service, shared with him her view of the man Jesus walking the Earth with his Divine Self hovering close behind and above him, always present and ready to act through the man Jesus as the situation might require. He then shared with us how he had pointed out to this woman that this perspective of Jesus’ divinity had been refuted by some council or another that I suppose we had been discussing in class.

As I have reflected on that story over the years, I have imagined that woman having a confident demeanor as she approached her minister and proudly sharing how she had resolved in her heart and mind this mystery about Jesus. Then I could see her deflating as she received this “insight” from whichever council it was. Then I’ve also imagined her responding, “Well, they’re entitled to their opinion, aren’t they.” And walking away with her head held high knowing her own truth in her heart and mind.

Curiosity is a wonderful thing. Our imaginations can work out so many things, and when we can’t find resolution, we go to someone who we assume will know. And then that curiosity can be so quickly dashed by that all-knowing person of authority who might say something like, “Just have faith.” Or “You ask too many questions.” Or who offers unfulfilling, but widely accepted, answers that they have been told and which they pass on having accepted them with little personal reflection and verification through their own heart and mind.

Of course, there are individuals who refuse to accept some answers and they either go to another person or do their own research for a satisfying answer, or they draw their own conclusions. For some, this may lead to them leaving the faith or at least that church to find one that is more open to differences of opinion.

But what of those who come to their places of worship and sit and receive the “teachings” from their ministers, priests, rabbis, or imams and hardly have a conflicting or original thought in their heads about the “truths” being taught. Perhaps they have learned to submit to the teachings. Perhaps they lost their own curiosity by being countered and given the pat answers so frequently they decided, rather than leaving, to stop going against the accepted teachings. They become sponges to the teachings, and when you “squeeze” them, all that comes out is what they have soaked up from some other source, having few original thoughts of their own.

I speak with some degree of authority on this matter because I have been both the sponge in the pew and the source of the accepted teachings, until the day I just couldn’t give the accepted answer to a question posed by one of the members of my youth group. The first ever moment of hesitation and confusion I had ever experienced in relation to my faith.

I have had to work very hard to gain back my curiosity, to not always accept given truths, to question and look for answers in multiple areas and then…to speak my truth. Healing From Spiritual Wounds is my truth. If you resonate with what you’ve read here, or in previous posts, check out the Healing From Spiritual Wounds program and see if you think it might offer healing to your own wounds.

A couple of weeks ago I posted about the potential Spiritual Wounds that result from our desire to belong, leading to promoting a False Self that suppresses the follower’s True Self. I don’t mean to imply that following a faith tradition means you are living an entirely False Self life. And I don’t mean to imply that everyone is equally impacted in how they follow their traditions.

I thought today I would give a personal anecdote to illustrate this phenomenon.

Back in the 1970’s and 80’s there was something called the “Day on the Green” in the San Francisco Bay Area. These were outdoor daytime concerts at venues like the Oakland Coliseum. The lineup of bands was usually pretty amazing. One of these concerts included Chicago (my favorite band then and now) and the Beach Boys. I was 19 years old, and some friends invited me to go. Instead of just saying, “YES, absolutely” (an expression of my True Self), I asked my father if it was ok for me to go. The fact that the concert was on a Sunday became an issue. Dad asked me if the concert was a suitable exchange for my attendance at church. With a deflated heart, I said, “No, I guess not.” (in that moment, my False Self) And I told my friends that I would not be joining them. I was torn between wanting to join my friends (my True Self) and my commitment to going to church (my False Self). Of course missing one day of church was not going to condemn me to hell. And all the friends that were going were members of the Youth Group, so they would be missing church. A point I made to my father with no desired change of heart. I missed the concert.

I’m not suggesting that going to church was my false self. There was truth and sincerity in my commitment to this aspect of my being a Christian at that time in my life. But in this instance, the “choice” to forgo the concert for the sake of church was not my truth. I submitted in order to maintain my perception of belonging. To go against my father would “jeopardize” my belonging to the family and my belonging to the church, at least that was my perception.

In the early scenes of the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, the female protagonist, Elizabeth Swan, invokes “parlay”, a part of the Pirate Code that keeps her captors from harming her before they deliver her to their Captain, so that she can negotiate her freedom. When the Captain refuses to return her to shore, she asks “What about the code?”. Captain Barbosa replies that the code is really just a guideline, which he is free to interpret. What brings out the False Self in faith traditions is when the guidelines get concretized into a code that has no wiggle room. There are some aspects of the different faith traditions that are open to interpretation. Some obvious examples are attitudes towards how we dress, our relationship with alcohol, attendance of worship services, etc. In the denomination in which my parents were raised, they were not allowed to play cards or go to dances or watch movies. Today, cards and movies are frequent family activities when we get together, and there was absolutely dancing at my niece’s wedding last year.

Did you put on a False Self as part of how you followed your faith tradition in order to maintain a sense of belonging? Do you still find yourself dealing with overcoming a False Self even after leaving that tradition? Join me in the journey of Healing From Spiritual Wounds to expose those wounds and bring healing into your life.

I had been planning this post for days and then the Supreme Court ruling overturning Roe vs. Wade was handed down, cementing the sentiments I was contemplating; the power and physical, emotional, and spiritual oppression of the Patriarchy.

The Marriam-Webster dictionary defines “patriarchy” as:

“social organization marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan or family, the legal dependence of wives and children, and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line.

broadly: control by men of a disproportionately large share of power”

Though the primary definition above seems to contain the patriarchy within the “clan or family” domain, the “broader” definition indicates the male dominated Patriarchy is absolutely present in all aspects of life; social, political, and religious/spiritual. Men are disproportionately represented in the Board Room, Legislative bodies, and in the Leadership of our Faith Traditions. And, of course, closer to home, in many Faith Traditions, men are designated as “heads of the household”. Some Faith Traditions suggest that women are not capable of having their own spiritual experiences independent of a man’s leadership.

The wounds that result from these inequities are deep and because the origins are so old, the wounds can be explained away in tradition. Let’s take a good long hard look at these inequities and the wounding they inflict on such a huge percent of the population. We must recognize that we are perpetuating wounds in many of our traditional, millennia old perspectives.

So God created [hu]mankind in [God’s] own image,
in the image of God [God] created them;
male and female [God] created them.

I don’t see a hierarchy implied in this story. I don’t see a greater proportion of the image of God being given to the male version of humanity. We all come from the same creator and are equally loved, valued, and gifted to express our humanity, which is our unique expression of the image of God.

God bless us all, every one!

Of all the pressures that lead to Spiritual Wounding, the desire, even the need, to belong may be fundamental to all wounds. When aspects of our “True Self” come up against expectations of the spiritual tradition and its teachings, there comes the point of deciding, do you stay true to yourself, or do you conform and deny some aspect of you in order to belong to this group?   These points of decision may relate to your sexuality, how you express your spirituality, your self-will, your curious mind, and more.

Not everyone responds in the same way. Some find ways to belong without conforming or giving up parts of themselves. They are more able to stay true to themselves.

And others decide that the only way to belong it to conform. When you conform those aspects of your True Self that don’t quite synch up with the group, may become labelled as wrong or bad, so you hide them. Then you may begin to feel shame or guilt for being who you are. And, even if at some point you choose to disconnect from that group, the shame and guilt will likely persist.

Bringing those feelings into the open is the first step to healing. Discovering that you are not alone in this dynamic is also helpful.

Healing From Spiritual Wounds is a place where you will find others who, like you, are looking for healing from the wounds of shame and guilt. There is a place where you are welcome and invited to be your True Self again. No shame, no guilt, no new criteria for you to accept. You deserve to be all of you again. Together we will walk the path that leads to healing and wholeness.